Dinner Is Served -Texass Style

Bottled Water

Fracking Springs

(Now your water catches fire)

Starters

BP Oysters

(Silky and smooth with just a hint of dinosaur algae)

Salads

The CO2 Caesar Salad

(Tossed table-side, by your server, wearing a hazmat suit)

Entree'

  Bob's Splatter Platter

(There's shit in the meat, Bob)

Just Desserts

Western Kolaches

(Exploding with the flavors of various fruits, dipped in a generous serving of ammonium nitrate and served with your very own tank of oxygen)

Boner Petite!

Youth of America

Dear Youth of America,


Instead of attempting to assassinate US Congresswomen in front of grocery stores,

Instead of walking into a crowded movie theater and opening fire on the audience,

Instead of taking your mom's head off with the assault rifle she bought you, then skipping on down to the local elementary school and riddling the bodies of 1st graders with a hail of bullets,

Instead of doing all these dreadful things, you might find a role model...

Who???

Give up?

I've found one for you, he's a 14-year-old Chinese boy... and he's exudes class with a dose of good attitude... and we all know there's something to be said for that...

Guan Tianlang is a 14-year-old from China who will make history as the youngest player ever to qualify for the Masters Golf Tournament.

The eighth grader shot a 1 over 73 on day 1 of the Masters.
On day 2, after a tumultuous round, he was penalized a stroke for an honest error.
When asked if his Masters experience would be disappointing if he missed the cut by the one stroke he replied, "How could I ever be disappointed with this experience."

So to American kids I say, learn from this "class act".

This is how an adult behaves.

Not like some entitled bully with a sour taste in their mouths, but a champion.

A leader...

Not some coward hiding behind his mom's assault rifle, but a hero standing tall, and in the open, on one of the worlds biggest stages, with a set of Taylor Mades...

You American youth need a hobby other than killing innocents...

You might just play some golf instead.

COLD DEAD HANDS

The NRA is sending gun sales to an all time high.
AR-15's are flying off the shelves everywhere in the US, robocalls to Sandy Hook parents are being sent out, urging them to stand up to gun rights.

That's particularly sickening, isn't it?

Some residents of the Connecticut community devastated by December's school shooting said they're outraged over robocalls they've received from the National Rifle Association only three months after a gunman killed 20 first-graders and six educators at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Newtown residents said the automated calls from the NRA began last week and urge people to tell their state legislators to oppose gun control proposals. Some also said they received postcards from the NRA supporting gun owners' rights.
"It's ridiculous and insensitive," Newtown resident Dan O'Donnell told Hartford-area NBC affiliate WVIT-TV, one of several media organizations to report about the robocalls. "I can't believe an organization would be so focused on the rights of gun owners with no consideration for the losses this town suffered."

 20 babies cut down with an assault rifle -which no person has a right to own- and torn to shreds.

Bloodthirsty Americans answer the call by rushing out to purchase the murderer's weapon.

The NRA does nothing, except begin to transform itself from a proud American Institution  -the one that your grandpa would be a member of- to a band of bureaucratic, domestic terrorists.

Meanwhile, folks in Texas continue to shoot one another, or themselves DAILY.

It's enough to make one yearn for the good ol' days of layin' around on grandpa's couch and watchin' live episodes of "Hee Haw."

Jim Carrey as Lonesome Earl with his band in “Cold Dead Hand,” released Monday via “Funny or Die.” (Screenshot from “Funny or Die”)

You know those days???
The days of a kinder, gentler, redneck...
The redneck that sang songs and got lost in a hoedown jig of his own creation.
Not the redneck of today. NO SIR!
Whose bloodlust hath grown, and penis has shrunketh.
What used to be smart folks, now have become believers in "Gun Therapy."
They seem to turn to guns as a solution for everything.
Every problem solved with a gun.
From what I can tell from reading the newspaper, it no worky.

I do know we could all use a laugh.
So let's check out this piece from Jim Carey and the good people at Funny Or Die.

Enjoy!

Jim Carey has never been one of my favorites, but he has his moments...

This is such a moment.

CPAC Shuffle

Chris Christie has the highest approval rating of any Republican in today's America.
74%.

Maybe not such a big deal if only the Republican congress didn't show a current rating of, of,
wait for it,
10%.

Many heavy hitters were on the docket for the wingnut opry, but not it's heaviest hitter, Christie was left off this year's list of screwhead all stars.
So why would CPAC leave out the most popular member of their party?
A man who crosses party lines, a man who gives them the BIGGEST chances of winning in the next election...

The answer: Because Republicans don't know what hurts them or helps them.

In fact, they don't seem to know much of anything about anything.
From balancing budgets to identifying with everyday Americans and THEIR real life struggles.
To managing wars, reforming healthcare, civil rights, paying bills, leading by example...
They don't know shit.

And I like it.

I like it because it ensures a progressive future for this country and it's voters.

You remember the voters???
The ones the Republicans are ignoring right now and will continue to ignore until their party get's slurped up like a Big Gulp being slammed by a racist hockey mom.



So here's to you CPAC!
Cheers!
Keep up the message of the miserable racist who's so ignorant, he/she doesn't even know they're racist.

Psssssst- Politics are driven by elections. FYI.

Sunday Funnies

Red State Reversal

NPR had an interesting question on FB today:  

NPR seeks a breadwinner wife with a part-time or stay-at-home husband for a series about women changing roles. How has this affected the dynamics of your relationship? Are societal expectations keeping up with shifting roles? Please send your stories to nprcrowdsource@npr.org.

I was amazed at the sudden response from so many couples who share this dynamic.
I mean, I know this is nothing new, and there are plenty of couples making this lifestyle work for a long time now, but living in Texas, around so much bravado and hate makes one lose sight of reality.

The fact is, there are a lot of couples who's roles ARE reversed.
More than you think...

Michael Keaton as 'Mr. Mom' was filmed in 1983 if that tells you anything about how behind the times Texas is.

My wife and I live this way.
She's an associate for a global corporation and I'm a retired realtor - now actor - who's become quite the homemaker.
She brings home a STEADY paycheck, while mine can sometimes fluctuate.
We've been married 14 years and have a 3 year old child. 
I help her obtain the 60hrs a week she needs to work by managing our home life. 
As a result, she's a superstar at her office and is also is a terrific Mother to our child. 
I do the rest.

Is it permanent?
Probably not.

Is it effective for both of us?
Certainly.

How has this affected the dynamics of your relationship? 

The dynamics of our relationship are stronger than ever. 
Always compromising, always working together for a common goal, always supporting each others efforts, and nurturing our feelings. 
Our love, honesty and respect for one another is the foundation our family is built on.
When we have a problem, we talk it out. We make concessions. We move on.
Plain and simple.

Are societal expectations keeping up with shifting roles?

In Texas???

HELL NO!!!

In fact, the hardest part of our set-up is dealing with others, (sometimes family and friends) and their narrow-minded views about this and that.
(By 'others' I mean the vast majority of the people of Texas and every other state south of the Mason-Dixon Line.)

Around the rest of America - especially the blue states- yes. Yes, I think societal expectations have already shifted very much and will continue to do so in a progressive, diverse society.

In Texas...NOT SO MUCH and it's due to the neo-conservative, super majority of the state.
Bigotry, hate, fear, smear, sexism, hypocrisy and don't forget dishonesty. 
These are a few of the hurdles that living in a misogynistic, red state like Texas hands us.

Here in Texas, if you're a housewife, you're a hero.
However, if you're a man and you don't work a business-type career job, or make the most money in the house, you're viewed as a weak, sissy, little metro-queer. 
A nogoodnik.
Lazy sponge and pathetic excuse for a man. 
Hang your head in shame, Couch Potato!
U MUST BE A HOMO SEX YOU ALL!!! 

So ignorant.
So arrogant.
(As if our wives are strapping on dildos and screwing us in the you know...)

People...

Texass...

 This was my comment to NPR - of course it was meant to be tongue-n-cheek- it subsequently got removed.

'Non of you broads has ever met a guy like me.'

'I buy every grocery, cook every meal, service both vehicles, oversee maintenance for the house (inside and out).  And still manage to generate a substantial income from residuals for work performed.
I am the ultimate homemaker!'

'Housewives ain't got nothing on me!'

I suggest NPR check the dictionary on the word 'Broads'. 
Used as nothing more than a harmless nudge at those women -whom were not making such lady-like comments on the thread to begin with- and those men who spoke out so fervently against role reversal and for what? Except to just be nasty


I was stunned at the provincialism from many of the comments.
I was stunned at NPR for removing my comment.
If women want to be treated like it's the stone age, I say we oblige...At least on FB.

Weekly Wrangle

The words "pitchers and catchers report" has always made the Texas Progressive Alliance happy as it brings you this week's roundup.

Off the Kuff looks at the partisan shifts in Texas House districts from 2008 to 2012.

We have enough money in Texas to fund our public education needs and expand Medicaid, as well as transportation and water infrastructure projects. But our current leaders don't see it that way. WCNews at Eye on Williamson shows that their adherence to ideology over what's best for Texas is the problem, in Transportation funding, the state budget, and ideology.

Two issues in the Texas Lege last week -- one of them the regulation of payday lending operators -- show bright potential for bipartisan legislation. PDiddie at Brains and Eggs is encouraged by the news.  

CouldBeTrue of South Texas Chisme wants you to know that Lamar Smith is a dim bulb advancing the same old Republican 'ideas' on immigration.

At TexasKaos, Libby Shaw poses the same question to Ted Cruz that was asked of Joe McCarthy almost 60 years ago.



Unfortunately, the answer is no. Read all about it here: Senator Ted Cruz: Have You No Decency?

Neil at Texas Liberal wrote about Houston mayoral candidate Ben Hall. Neil is still posting at TxLib every few days; however he is mostly working on a new website going up in April. That site will feature a photo essay focusing on the value of the things that are around us each day, a metaphorical history of the universe and the Earth, some poems, and a new blog on 2013 City of Houston election politics.