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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Romney/Ryan The Hottest Party In Town

Observing the Republican National Convention is like going to a strip club.
The whole evening all you're told are lies, your wallet/bank account is completely emptied, and by the end of it, you definitely need to take a shower, or perhaps roll around in some tall grass, anything to remove the stench.

Ah, but these tiddy dancers in Tampa are hellbent on world domination!
Didn't you know?
Haven't you learned to speak Republican, yet?

Pete Kotz at seattleweekly lends us his "English to Republican" dictionary.

American: True patriot who hates all the right things, including but not exclusive to: taxes, unbreaded chicken, California, female sportscasters, the Toyota Prius, people who speak Mexican, BET, free range vegetables, public radio, Al Sharpton, whales...
Barack Hussein Obama: Muslim foreigner illegally elected president to pursue the socialist agenda of Karl Marx, regarded as the least funny brother of the famed comedic troupe.
Christian: GOP delegate who's devoted his life to Jesus, handguns and repealing the Clean Water Act. Will be doing missionary work at Tampa gentlemen's clubs next week. At least that's what he'll tell his wife when the MasterCard bill arrives, LOL! 
Environment: Convenient place to dump car batteries and kitchen appliances. While lamestream media insists on its preservation, studies by the business faculty at Liberty University business faculty prove that beavers actually like swimming in hydrochloric acid because it improves their skin tone. 
Free Market: Utopian world where corporations are allowed to conduct business without interference from price fixing, consumer protection or child labor laws. 
Global Warming: Theory shared by 99 percent of the world's scientists that man-made pollution is warming the Earth's atmosphere. Easily discredited by pointing to that one day in February when it was pretty cold. 
Illegals: American slang for "Mexican." Also: Anyone skilled in the operation of a leaf blower.
Jesus: Celebrated ancient deity who preached that "the poor should get a damned job already" and that all human suffering could be averted by simply lowering the capital gains tax.
 Liberal Elite: Immoral foe nearly crushed to extinction by the superiority of the conservative agenda. Membership believed to consist of three elderly men recently expelled from the Newport Yacht club for publicly expressing fond memories of Roosevelt.
 Mormons: Creepy sex cult perverts from Utah who have arranged marriages with 13-year-old girls named Edna. Still better than negroes, but scarier than Jews.
Obamacare: Theory that all Americans deserve health coverage, when they could just as easily rub some dirt on it. 
Second Amendment: The God-given right to carry an assault rifle to Sunday brunch at Applebee's just in case there's a kid wearing a hoodie. 
Tea Party: People who hate socialism and government entitlements but live off Social Security and Medicare because stuff like that doesn't really count. 
Values Voters: People willing to be economically sodomized as long as we keep bagging on the homos and the wetbacks. 
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U119VbjOpFI/UDUegmOl1ZI/AAAAAAABoMg/RnLEHMh-pa8/s1600/republicanstripper3.png

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Monday, August 20, 2012

Weekly Wrangle

The Texas Progressive Alliance is still recuperating from the sales-tax-free weekend as it brings you this week's roundup.

 Off the Kuff has an analysis of the Democratic legislative target list for 2012.  

BossKitty at TruthHugger keeps waiting for any candidate to stop mudslinging long enough to help Americans navigate the stresses caused by natural climate changes. America, the wasteful, can't seem to find a candidate brave enough to do anything but collect rewards from the same industries trashing America's natural resources. America is consumed by Greed, Denial and Bad Water. Our transportation infrastructure is being neglected and will only cost more in the long run.  

WCNews at Eye on Williamson also writes that the cost of neglect keeps rising.

PDiddie at Brains and Eggs began his November endorsements early, with a couple of Democrats -- Nile Copeland and Keith Hampton -- and a few Greens: Alfred and GC Molison and Henry Cooper.

Guess what Tom DeLay is up to?  CouldBeTrue of South Texas Chisme wants you to know The Hammer is now lobbying on sex trafficking.

Neil at Texas Liberal took the opportunity offered by the dumb comments about rape made by Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri to remind folks that state-mandated rape is the law of the land in Texas with the forced sonogram legislation, and that three Texas state Senate Democrats played a role in passing the forced sonogram law.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sunday Funnies

"Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree. I cannot find one area. So somehow he's the smartest guy in the party and she's the stupidest woman on Earth but they agree on everything."

-- Bill Maher

"His eyes are just so blue. It's like looking into a Smurf's anus." -- Jon Stewart

My nomination for Protest Sign of the Year.

Sunday Funnies

"Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree. I cannot find one area. So somehow he's the smartest guy in the party and she's the stupidest woman on Earth but they agree on everything."

-- Bill Maher

"His eyes are just so blue. It's like looking into a Smurf's anus." -- Jon Stewart

My nomination for Protest Sign of the Year.