2. CVS, Kroger Plus, and whatever else kind of card they use to track you and your spending habits- CLAIM YOUR BOUNTY AND CUT UP YOUR CARDS TODAY!
3. Lying, egotistical, sexist, hypocritical bigots- Or as I like to call them, Republicans.
4. Red Light Ticket Cameras- Surely they're a violation of your constitutional rights? Is this the world George Orwell envisioned come to life? I believe it is. Big Brother is watching you at the corner of NW HWY and The Tollway.
5. Facebook Trolls- Spouting gibberish on others walls in the hope that they'll either bore or confuse to death those with whom they disagree. If you don't like what I have to say, then hide me, or defriend me. Don't hijack my wall. I never do, and believe me, I could.
6. Libertarians- They're really just Republicans who're too embarrassed to admit it. Talk to one for a while and you'll realize it. They'll say something like, "it's an equal playing field in America and everyone needs to take responsibility for their own well being." "No handouts!" Then they'll go back to their job at Daddy's company...
7. Negativity on the Golf Course- It really brings me down. Playing mind games with your fellow players to score your 95 and feel good about yourself is just plain weird. Keep it chill. Then everybody wins.
8. Door to door sales people- It's 2012. Knocking on strangers doors may not be the safest bet; These days, all sorts of crazy stuff could happen. I mean, can't you read the sign that says "NO SOLICITING?" And don't you tell me "this isn't a sales call." DON'T YOU TELL ME THAT BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS!
9. Texting while driving- Folks, the data is in on this and it's not pretty. They say that texting while driving is 10 times worse than driving under the influence of alcohol. And from what I can tell, everyone's doing it.
10. Mormons- How is it they get to make up their own cooky religion in order to have multiple sex partners, galactic underwear, tons of cash, spooky temples, and get away with it?
They're running an Elder for President for Christ's sake!
I'm thinking of starting my own religion based on The Big Lebowski.
I'll find a sacred bottle of Kaluha in my backyard, go bowling, talk to Jesus in the form of Sam Elliot dressed as a cowboy, and drink white Russians everyday.
Church members will be known as "Dudes."
No comments:
Post a Comment